Sunday, May 18, 2003

I'm glad I read three days before the review is due.

That gives me three days to think up increasingly clever ways to verbally skewer it and roast it over a painful fire.

The Da Vinci Code, number #1 fiction bestseller, is an idiotic, wretchedly written piece of faux intellectualism - sort of a Fox Network version of Umberto Eco - that is basically a novelization of the theories set forth in Holy Blood, Holy Grail, with a couple of extra layers of conspiracy theories tossed in, involving groups like the Priory of Sion, the Knights Templar and the Masons on the one side and, of course, the ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH (aka - in this book "The Vatican") on the other, with the likes of Da Vinci working feverishly through the centuries to protect and pass on the secret knowledge that the ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH so desperately wants to destroy because, you know, the ROMAN CATHOLIC CHURCH killed five million witches during the Middle Ages, and is rooted in the work of the Emperor Constantine, who created the concept of Jesus' Divinity at the Council of Nicaea (because you know, no one believed it before then, as the author of the novel has one his characters authoritatively state).....

Oh, it's just so painfully dumb....

And badly written too, filled with two - no - one dimensional characters who spend most of the novel sitting in cars, restrooms, country villas, planes, churches and exhibition halls explaining, explaining, explaining things to each other.

More tomorrow, I'm sure.